Life Journal



Hello 2019!!!

I’m so ready for you!

After dealing with a very stressful year – pregnancy, childbirth, taking care of a newborn and breastfeeding again what?! PLUS dealing with a growing, almost as bratty as me preschooler, I’m absolutely done with 2018!

I’m probably the most blessed person the last year, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude, but — I’m so ready to move forward with my life and catch up on my travels! So here’s to making more memories this new year! 🥂

How I Conceive with Adenomyoma and Adenomyosis

Honestly, my husband and I were not trying too long for a child. We were only trying for 1 whole year. The moment I learned that I have Adenomyosis and Adenomyoma, and how it affects fertility, I really wanted to have another child again. But that year we have pending long haul travels, so I put it on hold, and just thought we have a lot of time in our hands to make a baby afterwards.

After 6 months of trying with no luck, I got paranoid and thought of ways so we could conceive. The adeno pain was too unbearable monthly, and upon my research I learned that the pain goes away while pregnant! But since I wasn’t getting pregnant, I contemplated if I should just do the pills, which of course, won’t make me pregnant at all. It was such a dilemma because of the adeno pain, it was getting the better of me.

The forums on the internet did not help either. I planned on conceiving last year, but it did not happen, and thought this year to really focus. So instead of moping and becoming depressed, I helped myself to become more fertile so I could conceive eventually.

1. Pregnitude – fertility drink. I did not finish the box since I noticed that my ovulation and menstruation got delayed and crazy for 3 months.

2. Pre-natal Vitamins – yes, I think this helped me conceived, been taking the gummy ones I got from the US for about 4 months before getting pregnant.

3. Pre-seed Lubricant – although hubby did not like this, we still use this because it helps the sperm cells travel to the eggs faster.

4. Self Fertility Massage – I think I’ve been doing this for the past 6 months before getting pregnant, every morning before my ovulation period starts. It has been very helpful in my conceiving.

5. Castor Oil and Hot Pack – they said castor oil works wonders as it cleanses dead cells and old blood. I put this on my abdomen periodically, sometimes along with the self fertility massage.

6. Ovulation App – I was tracking my ovulation for 1 whole year through different apps.

7. Brisk walking for 20 minutes every morning – okay, I’m not really an active person. I’m the kind who eats what I like, and doesn’t exercise. So this is kinda a big deal for me, helping my body even in the smallest way possible.

8. Ovulation Kit – this was actually my last resort. Even though I was tracking my ovulation manually and with apps, we could not get the proper timing. Just 1 month of tracking my ovulation, Yes! I got pregnant.

I could not believe it at first. I was having the worst pain in my back and abdomen and thought that the period is coming. But it didn’t. 2 pregnancy tests later and an ultrasound, confirmed my pregnancy.

My OB said I was lucky because of my condition. A lot of prayers and faith helped too.

As of this writing, my baby boy is kicking and will be turning 26 weeks in my tummy. From the last utrasound I asked the sonographer if she can still see my adenomyoma. She said she cannot anymore. Oh God! It was like shooting 2 birds with a stone! I have a baby and my adenomyoma is gone (for now).

I know its too much to ask, but I hope the adeno will be gone forever. It has not caused me any problems since, and I honestly appreciated this pregnancy more since having the disease. I fervently pray that my son will be born healthy and safe, including myself, so I can take care of him and my first born Sophie for a very, very long time. ❤️

Fact : I have posterior adenomyosis and 2cm adenomyoma diagnosed in April 2016. Upon my routine ultrasound in November 2017, the adenomyoma is almost 5cm.

No goodbyes

So thankful to be a part of your short life, and a selfish part of me wants to bring back the past, so I could see you healthy and happy, one last time.

I will miss you and I will be thinking of you. No goodbyes Chin. Just until we meet again. For now, run free over the rainbow bridge. 💔

Didn’t see that one coming

So.. Sophie's yaya was evicted from the house due to situations I have no control of.

She took care of Sophie since she was a baby.

Funny how I never really did liked her from the start.

But when she left,

there's a twinge in my heart that wouldn't go away. 💔

2017 #lifegoals

Since its still January, I guess I can still post some of my goals for the year. I hope I can tick off all by the end of the year, since most of these are feasible, sort of. So here goes, in no particular order:

  • Finish at least 6 books
  • Finish at least 6 kdramas
  • Finish at least 10 blu-ray movies
  • Lose at least 5kg more
  • Eat at least 1 veggie or 1 fruit a day
  • Do yoga again or pilates 
  • Buy my dream bag, Chanel Le Boy or Coco Handle
  • Go on a European holiday, or at least go back to California
  • Create a new hobby (baking or sewing or anything!)
  • Sell some of my unwanted stuff, have a garage sale
  • Create passive income or side business
  • At least quarterly facial maintenance at either Belo or Aivee 
  • Back up all my 26,000+ (as of to date) photos and videos 
  • Enroll Sophie in ballet
  • Enroll Sophie in a good big school
  • Cook more (esp. when Sophie goes to school)
  • Start looking for a house of our own
  • Conceive another child
  • Have a tattoo

There you go. Some of it are silly I know, but I like this list, and I look forward to seeing them materialize this year. Aja 2017!!! 💪🏼

So long 2016!

2016 for me, went by like a blur. It was probably not the best year for my liking, but I’m thankful for it just the same. I accomplished one of my fervent dreams this year, and then some. 

1. The highlight of my year is definitely getting approved for my US Visa and travelled twice to the US, in California and NYC. Dreams do come true!

2. I have fulfilled my parents dream of going to Holy Land, in Israel and Jordan. We also travelled to Korea first half of this year, where they experienced real snow for the first time. I also started my housing loan for them, so they could move in next year.

3. Sophie is growing healthier and smarter by the day. I continuously enrolled her to The Little Gym, to further improve her communication and social skills. She has since finished 3 terms of the playgym, and hopefully more, to ready her for big school next year. She has also gotten more charming and kikay over the year, and I loved dressing her up for OOTDs.

4. I started baby steps (again) to eat healthier. For over 3 mos now, we had our food portioned and delivered by Chef Gourmade. We do not follow the meals entirely but at least we control our eating habits now.

5. Since our allowances become bigger, I had somehow accomplished financial freedom. But I spent so much this year from all the travelling and material things, and hopefully get back on track of my savings for next year.

6. I guess my most downlow this year is being diagnosed by Adenomyosis. My wish for next year is to have another child again despite my disease.

Thank you for the memories, 2016! So much more to look forward to for 2017, my year! The year of the Rooster. Lets get it on! 🎉🎊

Pain, pain go away

How do I even know where to begin? I thought I had such high treshold because I even made it to 8cm without epidural when I delivered Sophie. But to experience the labor pains monthly, I feel like I’m slowly slipping away. This pain is consuming me. There are times when I just sit blankly, wallow on the pain, too exhausted to do anything else. It is slowly killing the life of me.

I’ve been diagnosed with Adenomyoma and Adenomyosis this year. To put it simply, I had benign tumors outside my uterus. The lining outside thickens and sheds off just like the insides of the uterus during menstruation period. And the result is an extraordinary dysmenorrhea. The pain is somewhat similar to 2-3cm labor pains. It is so severe that I cannot live without pain relievers anymore. The meds and hot packs only alleviate the pain a little, not totally diminish it.

Though I’m still fortunate that I only experience this for 4-5 days in a month. Some women have them for 2 weeks, or worse, all month long, for the rest of their lives. The good news about it is that it will go away, usually during menopause. The bad news, aside from the excruciating pain, is the fertility issue. Although there are many women who conceived and gave birth to healthy children while having the disease.

I had to live through this, I know. I also know in time it will get better. The pain, as much as I wish it could disappear, I can also live with. But not having another child because of the disease, is something l cannot accept, I think. I had a horrible first pregnancy, and I know I can take another more horrible one, if it meant having another healthy child again. So help me, dear God.

Three and a half decades

As I turned another year older a couple of days ago, I can’t help feeling anxious that the big 4-0 is not too far away. It will come, and it will be inevitable. As much as I wish I can go back to being 13 and that somehow a part of me still lives in the past, I know I’ve been given a good life, better even, than I can ever imagine. It is not perfect of course, and I may have a lot of regrets, but those are overshadowed by overflowing of blessings I receive continuously. Sometimes I think I’m not too worthy of them, and that other people are far more deserving than I am, but there must be something, some reasons.. I must have done something good and right in the past to deserve what I have today. Thankful beyond words. ❤️

08.18.16 celebrating with family

Guilt stricken

Its 3 in the morning and I can still hear the kitten cries. Its been crying on and off the whole day, probably looking for its mother, which Kuya Cansio said, has died in the morning. He said he saw the mother cat very weak yesterday, and earlier the kitten unknowingly still breastfed over its dead mother.

I’ve been feeding the mother cat whenever we are at the big house over the weekends. I was wondering why she suddenly passed. I remember last week when I accidentally stepped on her while she was sleeping, I still have several scratches on my legs until now. But after that I said I was sorry and had given her food, she seemed okay. And it was almost a week ago. Has she gotten into a car accident? I sincerely hoped it wasn’t my stepping on her which caused her life, which left a poor, young kitten behind. For some reason, I was disturbed by my guilt. Sigh. Rest in peace now dear cat. 😿

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