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leerenah

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Viral Scare

When the world welcomed the new decade with a big scare, the spread of Novel Coronavirus (read: SARS, Mers-Cov alike), I personally got the biggest scare of my life too.

Jolo had febrile convulsions twice due to high fever, and his breathing stopped after each convulsion. As in TOTALLY STOPPED that he turned blue and looked stiff and lifeless. We were in Taipei, Taiwan that time for a vacation, just a few hours before our flight back to Manila.

We rushed him to the hospital just near our hotel, Taipei Medical University Hospital. He was confined for 3 days, diagnosis : Influenza A, or simply, Flu. Imagine, its just a flu virus that almost took my son’s life away. It was by farthest, the most traumatic event in my life.

I am grateful for the doctors and nurses of TMUH. We may have difficulty in language but my son is alive and well because of them. I’m also grateful because we were still at the hotel when the incident happened. Timing is everything during emergencies. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened if we were inside the plane when my son was losing his breaths.

What a challenging way to start the decade but we made through it, and for that I am thankful. 🙏

I heard a sad memory

I heard a song on the radio today and my eyes automatically welled up. It was not even a ballad or a sad love song.

You da one that I dream about all day

You da one that I think about always

You are the one that I make sure I behave

My love is your love, your love is my love

I loved this song by Rihanna back in 2012 and was playing on loop while I was bleeding and losing my first child. I lost the baby at 10 weeks. I have never felt such great sadness in my life.

I conceived Sophie a year after. 🌈

I’m thankful for this song. It reminded me of that saddest part of my life, and appreciate once again, the 2 little humans sometimes monsters sleeping beside me today.

I thank you God.

My 2019 : Year in Review

2019 has got to be my best year yet! I know I say this almost every year, but really, it just keeps getting better every year. Blessings after blessings came pouring in, and I am and always will be, counting and thankful for my life’s blessings, big or small. I will cap off this year citing the monthly happenings, good or bad, and other important events in my life.

January

My baby Jolo was baptized this month. Our first trip of the year was in Hongkong, with our new joiner, Jolo. My hair started to fall immensely, postpartum hairfall is real! This went on for the next 3 months.

February

We celebrated Valentines day twice in an amazing crabs restaurant called Ministry of Crabs. We also watched my favorite musical of all time, Phantom of the Opera, when it returned to Manila. Went to Bali, Indonesia for the first time with the family.

March

We went to Guam for hubby’s birthday! My best buddy in college got married so I was able to see my college friends and their families after such a long time. Sophia was also a flower girl for this wedding.

April

We went to Coron for the first time for my mother-in-law’s birthday. We also went to Auckland, New Zealand during the holy week break. My highschool class had a reunion in a posh restaurant called Flame in Discovery Primea. It was an unforgettable night reminiscing our highschool life.

May

We went to Osaka, Japan together with my parents and sister. It was their first time in Japan so this trip was extra special. Sophia graduated in preschool this month! She received an Achievement Award for ELA and Math and Values Excellence Award. I’m so proud of her!

June

We went on a European trip for the first time! This was our dream destination and we’ve been planning this for a long time already. It was heartbreaking that I had to leave Jolo and wean him from breastfeeding. My breasts were sore and painful for 7 whole days! Extended our trip to London, where we watched Aladdin the musical in West End.

July

We did not have a trip this month, but this month is unforgettable because Dylan Wang came to Manila! And Jolo watched a movie for the first time, The Lion King (but knocked out few minutes after it started). Our relatives from Canada had a vacation in Manila so Sophia got to see her little aunties again after almost 3 years.

August

We went on an overnight trip to Anvaya Cove to treat Sophia’s Canadian aunts. It was also my birthday month! Celebrated it simply just by dining outside. But we went to Shanghai a week after. It was Jolo’s first time to visit a Disneyland in Shanghai.

September

Hubby and I celebrated our anniversary this month. Sophia tried ice skating for the first time but she found it too difficult. We also went on a daytrip to Tagaytay, where we lunched at our favorite Balay Dako and visited an outlet shopping mall called Acienda. VW Pendy was my car this month as CRaVe went on a vacation, aka, casa.

October

It was Jolo’s first birthday! He had his first haircut, too! We had a double celebration at Shakey’s because Sophia turned 6 also this month! We had a trip a week after, to Florida and the Bahamas. Sophia completed her 6 Disneylands in the world! Oh, and Lee Seung Gi came to Manila for the first time! Not everything about this month was smooth though. I had to wear eyeglasses and tried physical therapy for my recurrent headaches and vertigo.

November

Jolo started walking on his own this month, at 13 months old! Sophia was a flower girl for 2 family friends weddings. We also saw a new musical called Cats. I also re-enrolled Sophia in ballet because I want her to be involved in sports again. Also, we found a nanny for Jolo because I had to go back to work. This time I tried Chiropractic therapy for my headaches.

December

I enrolled Sophia in Kumon, to enhance her Math skills. She also came home one day with a surprise, she received a Green Honors Certificate for the term, the highest honor the school gives! We also had a Christmas family photoshoot with beautiful photos at Concept Room Studio. Sophia watched a Disney on Ice again this year, she never misses a show every year since she was 1.

I do not have a lot of money (because I travel for memories!), I have dues to pay, and my kids needs and wants come first before mine. But I am beyond thankful for the providence and graces I receive constantly. I am always thankful for my family, I am reminded that I am blessed by simply having them in my life. 2019 has given me incredibly fond memories to keep and cherish for many years to come. 2020, lets go rock it!!! 🥳

Leaving my breastfeeding baby behind

Receiving the Schengen visa today made it more real that I would be leaving my 7 month old boy in a couple of weeks for a European holiday. It was the hardest decision to make, to bring him or not. Eventually, we decided not to. Just thinking about weaning him from breastfeeding so soon breaks my heart.💔

To make myself more at ease I’m listing the pros and cons of leaving Jolo behind.

Pros

  • Eventhough I know I will miss Jolo terribly, it will be a big unload on my part if I don’t bring him. No strollers and loads of baby stuff, no crying and fussing, no carrier, etc.
  • Sophie’s previous yaya, Ate Nors, is an excellent nanny. She will take care of Jolo when I’m not around, so I know he’s in good hands. Plus the 2 other helpers at home, my inlaws and parents will often come over to visit him. And there’s Facetime! I can see Jolo everyday even just on screen.
  • Maybe aside from the sudden weaning, Jolo will be stress free at home. No jetlag, no early morning call time, no all day everyday touring to places he doesn’t know and won’t even remember.
  • If he gets sick (I sure pray not), medical help is available anytime. Clinics, hospitals and pharmacies are all nearby. When Sophie got sick in Israel during our Holy Land tour, there was nothing in the small pharmacy nearby. I regretted it a lot and wished she hadn’t gone with us that time.
  • It would be a great bonding moment for Sophie and I, as most of the time she wants my attention but I’m more focused on the baby.
  • I can fully (or at least try to) enjoy the trip! I can also watch a musical in London without the baby (plans, plans)

Cons

  • Jolo cries in fits if he hasn’t seen me for 3 hours max. I cannot even imagine him crying for several days during my 17-days trip.
  • I have enough stash of breastmilk in the freezer, but he doesn’t like to drink from the bottle and just directly feeds from me. If he won’t drink breastmilk, I bought several formula for him to try. I’m not really against formulas, its just that abruptly stopping him from my breastmilk is truly heartbreaking for a breastfeeding advocate like me.
  • I also cannot even begin to imagine the pain of my would-be engorged breasts, maybe as hard as rocks. Theres no even use in pumping, when theres no baby to give it to, and no means of proper storage.
  • Maybe the saddest part would be unable to see for the first time if he has a new milestone, like standing on his own (since he’d be 8 months by that time).

We did not apply any visa for Jolo, so I would be forced to leave him.

The guilt of leaving my breastfeeding baby behind is killing me, esp since the reason is going for a holiday. But I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass, as I’m not paying for the trip.

I do hope to relactate when I return, and hope Jolo is still willing to breastfeed from me. Aww, the woes of this breastfeeding mom is strong! 💔

Hello 2019!!!

I’m so ready for you!

After dealing with a very stressful year – pregnancy, childbirth, taking care of a newborn and breastfeeding again what?! PLUS dealing with a growing, almost as bratty as me preschooler, I’m absolutely done with 2018!

I’m probably the most blessed person the last year, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude, but — I’m so ready to move forward with my life and catch up on my travels! So here’s to making more memories this new year! 🥂

How I Conceive with Adenomyoma and Adenomyosis

Honestly, my husband and I were not trying too long for a child. We were only trying for 1 whole year. The moment I learned that I have Adenomyosis and Adenomyoma, and how it affects fertility, I really wanted to have another child again. But that year we have pending long haul travels, so I put it on hold, and just thought we have a lot of time in our hands to make a baby afterwards.

After 6 months of trying with no luck, I got paranoid and thought of ways so we could conceive. The adeno pain was too unbearable monthly, and upon my research I learned that the pain goes away while pregnant! But since I wasn’t getting pregnant, I contemplated if I should just do the pills, which of course, won’t make me pregnant at all. It was such a dilemma because of the adeno pain, it was getting the better of me.

The forums on the internet did not help either. I planned on conceiving last year, but it did not happen, and thought this year to really focus. So instead of moping and becoming depressed, I helped myself to become more fertile so I could conceive eventually.

1. Pregnitude – fertility drink. I did not finish the box since I noticed that my ovulation and menstruation got delayed and crazy for 3 months.

2. Pre-natal Vitamins – yes, I think this helped me conceived, been taking the gummy ones I got from the US for about 4 months before getting pregnant.

3. Pre-seed Lubricant – although hubby did not like this, we still use this because it helps the sperm cells travel to the eggs faster.

4. Self Fertility Massage – I think I’ve been doing this for the past 6 months before getting pregnant, every morning before my ovulation period starts. It has been very helpful in my conceiving.

5. Castor Oil and Hot Pack – they said castor oil works wonders as it cleanses dead cells and old blood. I put this on my abdomen periodically, sometimes along with the self fertility massage.

6. Ovulation App – I was tracking my ovulation for 1 whole year through different apps.

7. Brisk walking for 20 minutes every morning – okay, I’m not really an active person. I’m the kind who eats what I like, and doesn’t exercise. So this is kinda a big deal for me, helping my body even in the smallest way possible.

8. Ovulation Kit – this was actually my last resort. Even though I was tracking my ovulation manually and with apps, we could not get the proper timing. Just 1 month of tracking my ovulation, Yes! I got pregnant.

I could not believe it at first. I was having the worst pain in my back and abdomen and thought that the period is coming. But it didn’t. 2 pregnancy tests later and an ultrasound, confirmed my pregnancy.

My OB said I was lucky because of my condition. A lot of prayers and faith helped too.

As of this writing, my baby boy is kicking and will be turning 26 weeks in my tummy. From the last utrasound I asked the sonographer if she can still see my adenomyoma. She said she cannot anymore. Oh God! It was like shooting 2 birds with a stone! I have a baby and my adenomyoma is gone (for now).

I know its too much to ask, but I hope the adeno will be gone forever. It has not caused me any problems since, and I honestly appreciated this pregnancy more since having the disease. I fervently pray that my son will be born healthy and safe, including myself, so I can take care of him and my first born Sophie for a very, very long time. ❤️

Fact : I have posterior adenomyosis and 2cm adenomyoma diagnosed in April 2016. Upon my routine ultrasound in November 2017, the adenomyoma is almost 5cm.

No goodbyes

So thankful to be a part of your short life, and a selfish part of me wants to bring back the past, so I could see you healthy and happy, one last time.

I will miss you and I will be thinking of you. No goodbyes Chin. Just until we meet again. For now, run free over the rainbow bridge. 💔

Didn’t see that one coming

So.. Sophie's yaya was evicted from the house due to situations I have no control of.

She took care of Sophie since she was a baby.

Funny how I never really did liked her from the start.

But when she left,

there's a twinge in my heart that wouldn't go away. 💔

2017 #lifegoals

Since its still January, I guess I can still post some of my goals for the year. I hope I can tick off all by the end of the year, since most of these are feasible, sort of. So here goes, in no particular order:

  • Finish at least 6 books
  • Finish at least 6 kdramas
  • Finish at least 10 blu-ray movies
  • Lose at least 5kg more
  • Eat at least 1 veggie or 1 fruit a day
  • Do yoga again or pilates 
  • Buy my dream bag, Chanel Le Boy or Coco Handle
  • Go on a European holiday, or at least go back to California
  • Create a new hobby (baking or sewing or anything!)
  • Sell some of my unwanted stuff, have a garage sale
  • Create passive income or side business
  • At least quarterly facial maintenance at either Belo or Aivee 
  • Back up all my 26,000+ (as of to date) photos and videos 
  • Enroll Sophie in ballet
  • Enroll Sophie in a good big school
  • Cook more (esp. when Sophie goes to school)
  • Start looking for a house of our own
  • Conceive another child
  • Have a tattoo

There you go. Some of it are silly I know, but I like this list, and I look forward to seeing them materialize this year. Aja 2017!!! 💪🏼

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