I’m sorry Seunggi. You know how I would move heaven and earth to be here. I just simply… can’t… 😥
My pregnancy is taking its toll on me. I have never felt so tired, even when I’m literally not doing anything. I took a break from work, which I’m glad I did early on, because I know eventually I also would. My back hurts like never before, if I stand or walk for more than 5 minutes, I’d feel like its breaking, and I had to sit or lie down immediately. The pain is almost unbearable sometimes, and its slowly killing me. Over the weeks I felt another discomfort called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD, wherein my pelvic area, specifically pubic area, hurts too. I couldn’t stand on one leg, and I had to sit to wear shorts or pants or underwear. The pain was especially distinct at night, when I had to go to sleep. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night felt like a chore, and I had to hold my pelvic area for support.
I’ve been thinking of seeking help from a physiotherapist on my next visit. But I wasn’t so sure if its even possible, knowing that I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa Marginalis on my 20th week, which requires a lot of rest. It doesn’t even help that I continue to experience Candidiasis, a vaginal infection which resulted from my increased pregnancy hormones. Plus the fact that I felt so ugly, with acnes all over my face, chest and back.
Sometimes I contemplate if I am being punished this way. But whatever kind of punishment, pain and suffering it be, I know I can take them all. Just a kick from my tummy and suddenly I’m alive again. I fervently pray that my child and I would be healthy and safe for the rest of my pregnancy. Could hardly wait for the time that I would see my beautiful brown-eyed baby, and whisper, you are worth every pain, my little girl. ❤
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