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leerenah

Life Journal

Month

September 2020

Ode to Ciao

You were once a smart handsome young one

How I love your fluffy fur, your thoughtful eyes

You were the most loyal trusted friend

You fill our home with warmth and fond

 

Other people and dogs alike were impressed

By how good looking you can get

You always stand proud, run free

We received tenfold your unrelenting love

 

But all the good things, they do not last

You got older, slower, weaker

Your legs failed to run and stand like before

It must be painful, said your cries on the wee hours

 

You have done your part now its time to rest

Let me take care of you til the very end

Its difficult to accept you are gone soon

I miss you earnestly, for now and hereafter

 

But how do I say my last farewell?

Flashbacks, they came flooding in

As I touched your face one final time

It gave me comfort, peace to my heart –

you are home at last

 

Thank you Ciao

Lets meet each other again in happier times ❤️

Just another sadder news

I turned another year older few weeks ago, and as much as I would like to post something about the good things happening despite the world’s bad situation, I simply could not.

I’m currently in the middle of hate affair with my body. Over the last 2 months I’ve been suffering from intense neck pain and neverending headaches. I’ve done 11 sessions of physical therapy, even had a consult with a neurologist. Finally went to a different ortho and had an XRAY and MRI. The result was I have cervical herniated disc. I didn’t know if I should be more worried. But at least now I have an answer.

PLUS the 7cm adenomyoma just turned 8cm in just 2 months. I have a high pain threshold, but the pain! Pain is so intense, it gets worse and worse as months and years go by. Its making my life miserable. 😭

My OB was skeptic about me trying to get pregnant again. I’d be on my fertility pills in the next few days. Lets just say, I want to try for the last time, before I say adios to my uterus.

I’d be doing PT again for my herniated disc, I’m pretty skeptic too about the fertility pills and TTC, but who knows. Nothing is impossible.

Oh God! I’m not even 40 years old! If there’s a painful realization over my diseases is that I should have kept myself healthy, or at least active, during my younger years. OB is also worried about my kidneys, having taken painkillers constantly for more than 4 years now.

As for the adenomyoma, I should have known I will get this disease too, since my mother had it and also had a hysterectomy in her early 40s. I should have made babies when I was a lot younger and healthier, and now I’m racing against time.

When all alse fails, just in case I forget 🙏

God when I lose hope, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for me are better than my dreams.

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