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leerenah

Life Journal

My October kids

My kids were both born on October, so this has been my favorite month since, next to December. Though I get sad as another year passes, I look forward to the kids’ birthdays every year. I watch them grow right before my eyes, and as hard and painstaking sometimes tending to them, I sincerely would like to have another one, another Sophie or another Jolo to love and care for and watch him or her grow.

Anyways, Sophie turned 7 this year! It felt like yesterday when I was crying and complaining of having a newborn, breastfeeding day and night. But it really did passed, and 7 years felt like a wind whizzed by. Sophie has grown into a beautiful and obedient kid. She is smart, charming, funny and caring to her brother. Though she has her mood sometimes, I couldn’t ask for a better firstborn than her.

And Jolo turned 2, too! Jolo is our sunshine. He is a ball of energy! He goes everywhere, climbs everywhere, tinkers with everything. Though he cannot talk yet, he has his own gestures, and is already forming his personality. Boy, he is such a sweet baby. He gives me sloppy kisses when its my turn to take care of him.

We would have celebrated the kids birthdays grandly this year, had it not been for Covid. I made sure we still celebrate though simple, the days they were born are always celebrating for. As in every year, I also had them photoshot in a studio.

I’m always nostalgic when their birthdays come, but really, its just me getting all sentimental. I’m always grateful for these little beings in my life. Happiest of birthdays to my little rascals sunshines! You both are my favorites in the world! 👫🏻

Some of my favorite shots from the kids’ prebirthday shoot, and snippets of their birthdays.

Prebirthday shoot
Prebirthday shoot
Jolo is 2!
Sophia turns 7!

Prebirthday shoot done at The Concept Room

Caricatures by Artist Josh Lepasana

Ode to Ciao

You were once a smart handsome young one

How I love your fluffy fur, your thoughtful eyes

You were the most loyal trusted friend

You filled our home with warmth and fond

 

Other people and dogs alike were impressed

By how good looking you can get

You always stand proud, run free

We received tenfold your unrelenting love

 

But all the good things, they do not last

You got older, slower, weaker

Your legs failed to run and stand like before

It must be painful, said your cries on the wee hours

 

You have done your part now its time to rest

Let me take care of you til the very end

Its difficult to accept you are gone soon

I miss you earnestly, for now and hereafter

 

But how do I say my last farewell?

Flashbacks, they came flooding in

As I touched your face one final time

It gave me comfort, peace to my heart –

you are home at last

 

Thank you Ciao

Lets meet each other again in happier times ❤️

Just another sadder news

I turned another year older few weeks ago, and as much as I would like to post something about the good things happening despite the world’s bad situation, I simply could not.

I’m currently in the middle of hate affair with my body. Over the last 2 months I’ve been suffering from intense neck pain and neverending headaches. I’ve done 11 sessions of physical therapy, even had a consult with a neurologist. Finally went to a different ortho and had an XRAY and MRI. The result was I have cervical herniated disc. I didn’t know if I should be more worried. But at least now I have an answer.

PLUS the 7cm adenomyoma just turned 8cm in just 2 months. I have a high pain threshold, but the pain! Pain is so intense, it gets worse and worse as months and years go by. Its making my life miserable. 😭

My OB was skeptic about me trying to get pregnant again. I’d be on my fertility pills in the next few days. Lets just say, I want to try for the last time, before I say adios to my uterus.

I’d be doing PT again for my herniated disc, I’m pretty skeptic too about the fertility pills and TTC, but who knows. Nothing is impossible.

Oh God! I’m not even 40 years old! If there’s a painful realization over my diseases is that I should have kept myself healthy, or at least active, during my younger years. OB is also worried about my kidneys, having taken painkillers constantly for more than 4 years now.

As for the adenomyoma, I should have known I will get this disease too, since my mother had it and also had a hysterectomy in her early 40s. I should have made babies when I was a lot younger and healthier, and now I’m racing against time.

When all alse fails, just in case I forget 🙏

God when I lose hope, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for me are better than my dreams.

I lost a stray cat today

I remember him as an elusive kitten outside the gate waiting for food. Whenever I went out every so often to give him and the rest of the strays some leftovers, he has never left since. He grew as a handsome orange cat. He was Ciao’s favorite.

Over time he got into fights with another male cat. He has since became skinny and injured. I saw him last night lying on the door mat having a hard time breathing. I knew very well his condition, cats who breathe like that won’t make it long. I was right, he was found dead today.

Who are you saving, dear cat? Cats and other animals one feed and care for are most likely saving their owners from harm, they get sick and die first. So thank you, orange cat. Play happily at the rainbow bridge.

What was said today

I just kept in my heart 🔐

Just another sad news

My heart sank when I learned that my adenomyoma grew to 7cm over the past year. It was such a devastating news for an adeno sufferer like me. Wishing that Visanne helped it subside was false hope. My adeno is so active that it blew to almost double its size in a matter of months. OB said I can be a candidate for hysterectomy. It felt so tempting.

How I dreamt of pain-free days for the rest of my life! But half of my heart, there’s a tiny voice that says to ask for a child one last time. Can a 7cm mass conceive a child? If it can, what are the odds that the child and I will be safe and make it through?

So many questions, predominantly

How??? Why???

I know deep in my heart I will still try. Oh what I would give to have my youth back.

Why Visanne why

Almost 5 months of taking this pill and it has already taken a heavy toll on my body. The constant were the headaches. I thought I needed the glasses, tried weekly massages, physical and chiropractic therapies, but all to no avail. On the third month I started passing large amounts of clots, as the headache continues. I thought I was losing blood, so I started iron supplements. Almost 3 weeks now I have major debilitating headaches daily, which are not relieved by painkillers anymore like they used to. I constantly feel tired and worn out. Plus I gained almost 4kg.

Oh Visanne, why are you being difficult? I just want temporary relief from Adeno pain, but you have given me so much more, in such a godawful way. I cannot wait to get you out of my life. 😩

Sophie’s extracurriculars : Ballet and Kumon

Sophie is doing ballet again! She used to do ballet when she was 5 but stopped after 2 months due to various reasons. She lost interest when she stopped but last November something must have sparked her interest again, coz she asked if she can do ballet again.

I inquired in a different school, and her schedule fits, so we’re braving the traffic at Alabang Zapote Road everytime. Here she looks happier with her new teacher and new found friends. They are having a recital on May so we are looking forward to that.

Sophie in ballet

Btw, she also started her Kumon class last December, too. I wanted her to join Kumon for a long time but due to various reasons again, she was not able to. Now that she’s doing Kumon I realized how difficult it is for them, to do a worksheet on a daily basis but surely it would eventually pay off in the long run. It teaches a child strict discipline in studying. How I wish I did Kumon in my younger years, too.

Since she can read already, she’s doing Math in Kumon. Highly recommended if you want to teach your child responsible and independent studying.

Acts Manila Alabang

Kumon BF HOMES

Viral Scare

When the world welcomed the new decade with a big scare, the spread of Novel Coronavirus (read: SARS, Mers-Cov alike), I personally got the biggest scare of my life too.

Jolo had febrile convulsions twice due to high fever, and his breathing stopped after each convulsion. As in TOTALLY STOPPED that he turned blue and looked stiff and lifeless. We were in Taipei, Taiwan that time for a vacation, just a few hours before our flight back to Manila.

We rushed him to the hospital just near our hotel, Taipei Medical University Hospital. He was confined for 3 days, diagnosis : Influenza A, or simply, Flu. Imagine, its just a flu virus that almost took my son’s life away. It was by farthest, the most traumatic event in my life.

I am grateful for the doctors and nurses of TMUH. We may have difficulty in language but my son is alive and well because of them. I’m also grateful because we were still at the hotel when the incident happened. Timing is everything during emergencies. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened if we were inside the plane when my son was losing his breaths.

What a challenging way to start the decade but we made through it, and for that I am thankful. 🙏

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