Motherhood

Sophie is surely growing up fast. Today marks another milestone in her life, she ate solid food for the first time! 😀 For weeks now she had shown interest in food, like staring at the food we eat, or opening her mouth as we joke around, trying to let her eat. Since she can already sit with support, on her last check-up I asked Dra. Pandy if she can already start on her solids, as she’s only 5 months. Dra allowed, maybe basing that Sophie has lower normal weight and solids can increase that.

Anyway, Daddy bought her foods and utensils and set up her high chair last week. Too bad he wasn’t here to personally witness Sophie eats for the first time. He went to province over the weekend, but Roxy managed to take a video. Sophie ate her Cerelac rice and soya with milk. I think she did good, since she can only take 3 tablespoons for now. At first she pushes the food out with her tongue, but she managed to get the hang of it after a few minutes. Way to go Sophie! 👏

Now, I wasn’t sure if its the solids, but she has gotten a lot smarter and more active within the day, that she fell off the bed. I only left her for a while and went to the washroom. I placed her near the pillows and secured her with little bolster pillows.

I was only gone for about 2 to 3 minutes. I was getting back to the room when I heard a loud cry. I opened the door and found Sophie lying prone on the floor, trying to get up. She was crying in fits. I raced to her in shock, not believing what has happened. I was shaking when I picked her up, immediately consoled her and checked her head. She has red marks on her left head, but no bumps. I checked her eyes, no blood. Her ears, no fluid. No marks on her limbs and body. Since she was crying, I breastfed her and she sucked normally. I felt like kicking myself for not using the big pillows to secure her.

I was still in awe on how she managed to fall herself to the floor, since she can’t crawl yet. Maybe she kept on rolling til she fell, in just a matter of minutes. I immediately texted Tabs, but was unsure if I should tell the others. He was mad of course, told the rest with him, even called Roxy here. Even though Sophie looked fine and laughing already, Tabs was persistent and wanted to be sure. So after dinner we went to St. Lukes to have her assessed. The doctors checked on her and since all were normal, we were told to go home and just observe her within the next hours or days.

Thank God Sophie is strong and nothing seriously harmful happened to her, and hopefully nothing will. I know it is inevitable for infants or kids to hurt themselves at some point in their lives, but with proper guidance and safety measures, it is possible to lessen or even prevented. I hope to set up Sophie’s playpen soon, and maybe child-proof the floor. It was so hard for me seeing my child hurt, and today I had to learn the hard way. 😥

I’ve been worrying for a lot of things recently. I am normally a worrywart, but ever since I gave birth I worry more, especially because it added one more person to my worry list. For more than 2 months now, my world revolves almost only for my newborn child. I know that in ideal world, I should breastfeed her until at least 6 months. Even though it is really difficult, I would love to breastfeed her, directly, until maybe she’s more than 6 months. But I know it is not possible, I know they’ve been waiting for me to go back to work. And pumping breastmilk is getting more and more difficult. On Sophie’s last check up, I asked her doctor about formula. She said I can mix formula to her diet already, since she’s on the lower percentage of the normal weight with her age.
I was a bit sad that she is not gaining enough weight from my breastmilk, although her weight is within normal. She was perfectly fine with my milk, apart from episodes of cough and colds in which she overcame. I know that in time she would also have to take formula. I mean, I won’t really plan to breastfeed until she’s two, right? Its just sad that she won’t be exclusively breasfeeding from me anymore. That she won’t be getting my antibodies enough anymore. And that by the time she’s formula feeding, she can be taken from me by her grandparents for a while, the thought I dislike.
Another thing that worries me is finding a good yaya. I mean, I don’t need one if I don’t have to work, right? I mean, they don’t seem to rush me to go back to the office, but it will come, right? And my plan is, once I find a good yaya, I’d take Sophie to the office along with her yaya, so I can watch over them while I do my stuff. What about leaving Sophie behind with her yaya? Hell no. I’ve seen and heard too many news about yayas hurting their kids. And Sophie is still an infant. I don’t intend to trust people so easily, especially on the welfare of my child.
Sometimes I think I maybe overacting about the things where Sophie is concerned. Maybe because I am a new mother, I don’t really know how things should go, or what I should feel. Sometimes I feel like I know everything, when I’m really clueless. There are times when I get too emotional for no particular reason. Its so hard, really. And I get so tired. Especially when Sophie goes on her tantrums. I know right, only two months and already a brat. Good thing Tabs is here, I’m not sure what I would do if not for him consoling bratty Sophie after I do my own tantrums and become a bratty mom. I never want to hurt her, but good lord I’m so tired sometimes. 😩 I know in time it will get better, but for now I know I have to be strong, patient and be a good mother, right?